So one would think that a horror movie called "Piranha 3-D" could do no wrong...or maybe you would depending on your taste for films. Personally I had a geekgasm when I first saw the trailer for "Piranha 3-D!" It was a combination of Christopher Lloyd, Jerry O'Connell, Adam Scott and Elizabeth Shue; I mean honestly via the trailer it is "JAWS" meets "Lake Placid"...or so I thought.
Once myself and my 2 unsuspecting friends had purchased our $10 movie tickets and were seated comfortably with our uncomfortable 3-D specs in place it was ready to get our gore on. But sadly what ensued was 88 minutes of cinematic disaster. I will be the first one to admit that I went in simply for the gore porn...I wanted to see little crazy piranha's massacre a bunch of drunk spring breakers...what?! Not every movie can be "A Beautiful Mind." It seems somewhere along the way my gore porn got turned into strictly porn. Don't get me wrong if your favorite type of movie is all about naked women then "Piranha 3-D" is the flick for you. Now as a horror movie junkie I am well aware that almost every horror film has your obligatory naked scene. Hell Randy from "Scream" explained it all in the "Rules" of every good horror movie. But to say "Piranha 3-D" is a porn movie that got dropped in a bucket of blood is being generous. I am almost certain that there were more naked breasts then lines of dialogue.
But there were bright spots; it wasn't all porn...just most of it. There was a lot of good kills and plenty of blood and also a rather amusing cameo by one of my favorite horror directors Eli Roth. I have to say it makes my day to see all the different horror movie he randomly pops up in...and all the ways they always find for him to die. The kills have a very slow build up though; there is a kill here and there for about the first hour of the movie and then finally there is an all out massacre which was what I had been waiting for but sadly it came about 70 minutes too late.
I would have even been happy with cheap 3-D tricks...I mean honestly you are a horror movie about crazy little prehistoric piranhas where are my 3-D tricks? Well placed jumpy moments? Tiny bit of plot?...Anything?...Yes?...No?...Ok then moving on.
The Ending. Or well lack there of. I have to say I am all for the shocking ending...what I am not for is an ending that makes me think you ran out of production money. That is exactly what "Piranha 3-D" feels like.
Christopher Lloyd is of course a delight...shame he is only on screen for a total of 5 minutes and I will admit that Adam Scott is a very nice piece of eye candy and his character Novak is rather kick ass...as kick ass as a seismologist can be. But the few things which I enjoyed about "Piranha 3-D" nowhere near make-up for the disaster that this movie was. Oh well I suppose you can't win them all...there is of course silver lining to all of this. Adam Scott posted this via Twitter: "Seriously. If you feel ripped off I will come to your house and act out my scenes for you and your friends. U provide shotgun and fish."
...Anyone have Adam Scott's number?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment